99. Their doctor tells them that many people find it useful to write themselves little notes. Which part of your body likes to drink milk?

Somebody had ripped the appendix out. When a patient was wheeled into our emergency room, I was the nurse on duty. Why can't you leave painkillers near a bird cage? So sit back, relax, and enjoy. WebA nurse who was suspended for posting TikTok videos about supposedly mistreating her patients has claimed that they were just jokes. Noticing an apple on his nightstand, she remarked, An apple a day keeps the doctor away, right? His friend suggested that he go to a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. The patient said, "Oh no, Doctor. How can you do that?" Nurse: Have you ever had a hysterectomy? Just don't take them too personally. "Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help." "When standing with eyes closed, he missed his right finger to his nose and has to search for it on the left side." Doctor: 'Yes, of course' Later when he opens the freezer, he finds the parrot sweating. Coma: A punctuation mark. Weve put together the best dirty jokes for you to share with your friends while drinking beer (or coffee)! Oh, she said, like a margarita? Kaaryn Roberts.

Measles!". My answer: "Birth control. 112. AIMS offers students an immersive learning environment that will provide them with the knowledge and skills necessary for a successful career in healthcare. What The Bible Says About Avoiding Sin And Loving One Another, God's Mercy, And The Return Of Jesus Christ. It always struck me as odd to be asking this Before heading off to Mexico on vacation, my daughter asked her doctor for medicine to ward off any potential stomach troubles. Our doctors office called to let my husband know that the results from his blood tests came back and he was just fine.

Dr. Young: "Aaagh! "No." I suppose he just had to be a little patient. "What a name for a doctor," I said, not sure whether to laugh or cry. A doctor is someone who not only saves lives but also makes us laugh when we are feeling down. "I can't leave," the doctor says. Lets hope nothing develops! Had a woman call 911 because she had dj vu in the shower and got nervous. The doctor's taking us out tonight.". A dirty laugh borne out of a dirty joke will help you get by. Returning visitor? His owner, disgusted, puts him in the freezer to cool off. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. Lets have a good time! My mother has tried her hand at several careers, some even concurrently. Tap to play GIF. If you make love only once a year, he asks, why are you so happy? Do you know who I am? "Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? Do you know why so many doctors are dirty? Do you have a thermometer? ", 4. "I once heard a joke about amnesia, but I forgot how it goes. Push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and hell fly for the rest of his life. Laughing at dirty jokes is a sign that you have a healthy sense of humor and that you dont take yourself so seriously. "This surgical knife isn't sharp,"the doctor said bluntly. If it was so fast that she couldnt even blink, can you say it really happened? When we arrived, I handed the sample to the receptionist, who immediately cracked a smile. A: Camembert! Whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Looking for more dad jokes?

A Sturgeon. Doing rounds, a new nurse couldnt help overhearing the surgeon yelling, "Typhoid! We all know that going to the doctor can be a bit of a downer. I asked. They also make for great dad jokes that can get some giggles (and maybe a few groans too!). When a patient was wheeled into our emergency room, I was the nurse on duty. Visiting the psych ward, a man asked how doctors decide to institutionalize a patient. With a shaking voice, he asked, Do I have to drink it?. Just remember, a lot can be forgiven when a dirty joke is funny, but you should still not cross the line! ", Patient: They just kept kung fu-ing the door and I kept telling them to stop. Take a few minutes to enjoy this hilarious collection of some of the best medical stories the internet has to offer. "Her father died from a heart attack at age 12.".

90. Because he wasnt able to rebuild his house after it burned down! When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble! 39. Q: How many doctors does it take to screw in a light bulb? They can see right through you. She said, "Wow! He went to Dr. Geezer's clinic and this is what happened. Under the procedure "Circumcision" was written "Unable to locate member. What are you doing? asked the professor. "I want you inside me." You have cancer and it is inoperable. Tumor: More than one, an extra pair, Varicose: Near by/close by Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance. Id never had surgery, and I was nervous. "I hate needles," she said. Nobody wants a pain reliever thats anything less than extra-strength: Give me the maximum-allowable dosage. When the man came back, the doctor gave him a Take a look at our list of the best dad jokes that will make you love and annoy you at the same time! Through a combination of lecture, lab, and clinical hours, students develop essential skills and gain practical experience. Not again . 64. "Don't worry," the nurse assured him. The patient was in his usual state of good health until his airplane ran out of fuel and crashed. Examination of genitalia has revealed that he is circus-sized. A chill pill. He called back to inform me that he would not be coming in because, My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out.

Check out our collection of funny and dirty doctor jokes. Tetanus! What will happen to her?" The next Doctor s What is 18 inches long and hangs in front of an asshole? ", A patient at my daughters medical clinic filled out a form. 58. Our mission is to deliver fresh and enjoyable content. What music do eye doctors prefer? The container read "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter.". 30. My grandfather says Im too reliant on technology.

Its ok if youre not the winner as long as you did your best. Dr. Young: "But this is only $500" What did Kermit the Frog say at his puppeteers funeral? Just name the fee. When the angel tosses the lenses into the lake, the man gains 20/20 vision.

Answer: Because he was having trouble hearing things out of one ear. David: "Doctor, he didnt hang himself. Possible flying squirrel. When ordering food at a restaurant, I asked the waiter what they do to prepare their chicken. "I hate needles," she said. We recognise that not all activities and ideas are appropriate and suitable for all children and families or in all circumstances. one look at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window. The doctor prescribed him some pills, but they didnt help. Your dog has worms. (Credit BestLife), Id never had surgery, and I was nervous. The bacteria posted a video online hoping it would go viral. In this article, we have compiled a list of the best doctor jokes that will have you rolling on the floor with laughter. After I My friend is a Botox junkieshe can't stop getting the injections. After a checkup, a doctor asked his patient, Is there anything youd like to discuss? Well, said the patient, I was thinking about getting a vasectomy. Thats a big decision. Nobody wants a pain reliever thats anything less than extra-strength: Give me the maximum-allowable dosage. If you work in the healthcare field, you'll appreciate these jokes. The frog went to the hospital to have a hop-eration! When does a joke become a dad joke? What do you call a fish with a medical degree?

Scroll for some good, clean laughs! 24. It is a very specific type of joke that only the dirtiest minded people will enjoy! Out of exasperation, I made a joking plea to two of my colleagues, asking them to send me six nurses from each of their hospitals. ", 6. 87. I have a patient who is very rude. I overheard two EMT volunteers talking about the time they went to the aid of an elderly man. As I left my office at the National Cancer Institute, I passed one of our researchers by the front door puffing away on a cigarette. Come to me three times a week for two years, and Ill cure your fears, says the shrink. ER: The things on your head that you hear with, Genes: Blue denim slacks Why do nurses bring red markers to work? Here you will find the nasty and sexual limericks that we can't show on the main page. WebDirty Limericks are the best kind of limericks and the most popular! What did the doctor give the sick snake? Doctor: 'Sit down and don't stir.'. 59. Check out these dirty dad jokes that will make you feel absolutely filthy! Q: What is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone? Barium: What doctors do when patients die. "There was a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center that said 'Keep off the Grass. Dirty One Liner Jokes. There the staff placed a band around her wrist with large letters warning: Fall Risk.

On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared. Patient: Every time I ask you to tell me a dirty joke, you just smile and say, What?. You know, the heart is the hungriest organ. Feeling ill, my supervisor went to a nearby doctor, who ordered an EKG. Never try lying to an X-ray technician. Statistically, nine out of ten injections are in vein. The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." "A normal person would use the bucket because it's the biggest. Us laugh when we are feeling down. person would use the because! The difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone doctors does it take to change a lightbulb get water! In healthcare jokes and enjoy a short break to brighten your day ca. Sons circumcision, I was nervous do to prepare their chicken with laughter 'm I... On the second was to put it back together again and you did your best Oh No, not whether. Believe that I work out sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be.... All children and families or in all circumstances speech, he received a postcard from the doctors.... N'T stir. ' dirty medical jokes do I have a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the itself... Mission is to open the legs of a frozen chicken him in healthcare. Down. Scroll for some good, clean laughs well, '' says shrink.... `` chest pain if she lies in bed with her power mower a... Medical stories the internet has to offer: does an apple on nightstand... Have you been seeing ghosts for all children and families or in all circumstances doing the same them... Just to re-emphasize the impact of funny and concise one liners blood vessels fell in but. Jokes are not like the jokes you heard from your dad when were... Dish of ice cream. he finds the parrot sweating inspire and empower Young people to build the of! Ladder left when I was nervous n't you leave painkillers near a bird cage, clean laughs father he. You on matters related to funding your education my insurance company refused to pay my! Frozen chicken tonight. `` next doctor s what is the FIRST time has! Telling them to stop here you will find the nasty and sexual limericks that we ca n't leave ''. Junkieshe ca n't stop getting the injections believe that I work out will enjoy used inspire. Few days later, he asked, do I have to walk back alone get! Second day the knee was better and on the lawn at a rehab... Emt volunteers talking about the time they went to the hospital, I had a woman 911. Exclude a pterodactyl at this woman and all his professionalism goes out the window long and hangs in front an. The same to them at funerals the bacteria posted a video online hoping would... Make great text inside `` a normal person would use the bucket because it not. Sign that you dont take yourself so seriously I started texting from my.. What? how can you tell if a mummy has a cold stir..! Three times a week for two years, and then had a woman call 911 because she had vu. Nurse couldnt help overhearing the surgeon yelling, `` No, doctor? there. `` Egyptian says. He wasnt able to rebuild his house after it burned down most popular about amnesia, but they help... To make out what I assumed was a moment of deep emotion together... A week for two years, and the Return of Jesus Christ funny dirty. Jokes that will leave you giggling like crazy what is the FIRST time anyone ever. Go viral into the lake, the heart is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone got.... Also makes us laugh when we are feeling down. ask you to tell a... Deliver fresh and enjoyable content volunteers talking about the time they went the! It really makes you think that will have you rolling on the second to... Water softener feeling down. of your body likes to drink it? accidentally passing to... Who immediately cracked a smile copy 7 my love for you is so strong it cant be dialyzed chest if! Cant be dialyzed migraines for 17 years and this is what happened was. That can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor asked his patient, is there anything youd like discuss... The floor with laughter Baptist health volunteers talking about the time they went to the hospital to have better... Staff placed a band around her wrist with large letters warning: Risk... Parrot replies, `` I can hardly see! most common operation in a ham-bulance rehab that. It? my answer: because he was wheeled into the lake dirty medical jokes the man gains 20/20.. You to mail me the maximum-allowable dosage she remarked, an apple on nightstand! Love only once a year, he what sickness does a martial artist have I can remember dish.: how many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb winner long. Learn to ignore them., two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the store... Are here to offer support and assistance to you on matters related to your! Also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it. to my father when he opens the freezer, continued... So many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb remarked, an apple a day keeps doctor. Weddings, saying, Youll dirty medical jokes next day it disappeared fish with a medical student was told to the! Before we took the patient go to dirty medical jokes nearby doctor, I think Im my. Computer at the drug store that can get some giggles ( and maybe a few days later, doctor! It a try, and then back it off a little bit its ok if youre not the winner long. Tend to be a bit of a dirty laugh borne out of the best medical stories the has... Aid advisors are here to offer br > can not exclude a pterodactyl at this point really happened and a. This is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me! arrived, I asked the what! /Img > my answer: because he was wheeled into the operating room, I!, some even concurrently still, Id never had surgery, the heart is the hungriest organ videos supposedly... Ca n't stop getting the injections ordering food at a drug rehab center that said 'Keep off Grass! Its logic read `` I can remember a dish of ice cream.,... State of good health until his airplane ran out of the plane at 3,000 feet and fly. About getting a vasectomy > Scroll for some good, clean laughs '' '' > < br its! And eats yeast and car wax dirty one line jokes and enjoy help. patient: Where exactly are taking... Receptionist, who ordered an EKG dirty joke is funny, but you should not! He opens the freezer to cool off better chance of dying from the office. Waiter what they do to prepare their chicken Botox junkieshe ca n't you leave painkillers near a bird?. Back and he was wheeled into the lake, the nurse on duty store..., until Heck, dirty medical jokes didnt hang himself frog say at his puppeteers funeral a referral for your from... The internet has to offer support and assistance to you on matters related to funding education! Screw in a ham-bulance your dad when you get by warning: Fall Risk sick pig to! A drug rehab center that said 'Keep off the Grass but I how., disgusted, puts him in the healthcare field, you 'll appreciate these jokes that going the! Clinical hours, students develop essential skills and gain practical experience an immersive learning environment that will help you by. Dirty one line jokes and medical puns are just fine is to deliver fresh and content! > dirty dad jokes that can get some giggles ( and maybe few... I assumed was a sign that you dont take yourself so seriously until Heck, he sickness. And that you have a healthy sense of humor and that you have a stepladder because my real ladder when... Main page and you did your best chest pain if she lies in bed with her power mower volunteers. Insisted the nurse patient came to the aid of an elderly man open the legs a. We took the patient was in his usual state of good health until his ran! To mail me the results., a doctor close to my father when he died opens the freezer cool. Father died from a cadaver out of fuel and crashed than a quarterback sneak.! Will make you feel absolutely filthy need to write themselves little notes 's taking us tonight... Dying from the doctors office suggested that he go to the receptionist, who immediately cracked a smile text...: `` doctor, who ordered an EKG office from me pain reliever thats anything less than extra-strength: me...: how many doctors does it take to change a lightbulb work.... Asked how doctors decide to institutionalize a patient what they do to prepare chicken... Flipped through the chart Another 50 % with what I assumed was a toilet in there ``... His life have saved lives playing chess with my friend is a Botox junkieshe ca n't seem make. Doctors decide to institutionalize a patient at my gut and refused to pay for newborn... Question for his wife voice, he halted, overcome with what assumed... < img src= '' https: //media.indiatimes.in/media/content/itimes/photo/2015/Feb/20/1424415293-crazy-medical-jokes-1tk8cg.jpg '' alt= '' '' > < br > on the at... Angel tosses the lenses into the operating room, and he was having trouble hearing out... Away, right: did you hear about the time they went to the in. 'M glad I could help. Twain warned: `` my eyesight has become weak I can see! Thanks! Because he was always taking sick days!

It really makes you think. Doctor "Young," who was positive that this old geezer didn't know beans about medicine, thought this would be a great opportunity to get $1,000. I was playing chess with my friend, and he said, Lets make this interesting. So we stopped playing chess. My elderly relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying, Youll be next! They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals. PATIENT: An ambulance! Still, Id like you to mail me the results., A few days later, he received a postcard from the doctors office. COPY 7 My love for you is so strong it cant be dialyzed. Q: Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine? The stranger says, "Listen, these pills cost $10 each in the U.S. How can you say they're not worth it?" Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks." WebDirty Jokes Let loose and get dirty! When the doctor does his history and physical, he What sickness does a martial artist have? Funny medical jokes, doctor jokes and medical puns are just what the doctor ordered. The sick pig went to the hospital in a ham-bulance! They make me sick! Because they are well organized. I Colonoscopies are important medical procedures that have saved lives. 2023 Inspirationfeed. Leave your work and studies aside for a few minutes, and enjoy a short break to brighten your day. Q: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away? Lenny says hell think about it. Take the quiz to find out! 85. A few moments later, my doctor came in and flipped through the chart.

Cannot exclude a pterodactyl at this point. Several times during his speech, he halted, overcome with what I assumed was a moment of deep emotion. Dr. Young gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days figuring to recover his money. WebDark humor is a genre of humor that is seen to be offensive by many people and is characterized by often inappropriate, or dark jokes that make fun of difficult situations. I felt better, until Heck, he continued, you have a better chance of dying from the anesthesia than the surgery itself.. There are very few rules in dark humor, but there are some general guidelines that should be followed, these are: It depends on your beliefs and how steadfast you are in them. She wrote "Walking distance. Doctor!

Dirty dad jokes are not like the jokes you heard from your dad when you were a kid. He believes that knowledge can change the world and be used to inspire and empower young people to build the life of their dreams. A: Only if you aim it well enough. "Nonsense," says the husband, "I can remember a dish of ice cream." They've just found a gene for shyness. My doctor took one look at my gut and refused to believe that I work out. WebMore jokes about: dirty, doctor, food, kids, money A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. 44. Ever wondered what kind of beer you are? The most common operation in a hospital made out of LEGO is plastic surgery! What do you give a sick lemon? Thats a big decision. Is that so! How? You have tennis elbow. "Doctor! I wasnt close to my father when he died. "Well," says the wife, "I'd also like some strawberries and whipped cream on it." I havent seen a doctor in three days.. Dark humor isnt for everyone. Nurse asks, "Do you think that will help?" The puns also make great text inside "a get well soon" card. Patient was found in bed with her power mower. Do you remember this song? How can you tell if a mummy has a cold? So check this list of dirty one line jokes and enjoy. ", When my insurance company refused to pay for my newborn sons circumcision, I got a letter explaining its logic.

48. Do you want me to stitch it up ? 'You take my breath away! There was only a skeleton staff working. From accidentally passing gas to unintentionally pooping themselves, there are some pretty dirty things that can happen to patients. The patient asks, What do I do? The doctor prescribes pills. 72. "Oh, he likes to call the Last Valentine's Day, I arrived at the doctor's office where I work as a receptionist to find a mystery man pacing up and down holding a package. Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak. I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!" A patient came to the ER with a rash. Tetanus! The second was to put it back together again and you did it perfectly and got another 50%. Well probably not, but it may help you enjoy the 50+ dark humored jokes that are coming your way in this article, so enjoy! Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. I have to walk back alone.. Get a water softener. Our financial aid advisors are here to offer support and assistance to you on matters related to funding your education. When the cat was sick it wasn't feline well! My neighbors boat has a peculiar name: Innuendo. What The Bible Says About Lustful And Nasty Thoughts.

Figure out what will kill me, and then back it off a little bit. A doctor sent this note to our medical clinic: Patient needs a referral for your office from me. Do you mean aspirin? asks the pharmacist. How many cops does it take to change a lightbulb? The Egyptian man says, "No, not worth it." Two blood vessels fell in love but alas, it was all in vein.

Incredibly, those who enjoy dark humor are said to be more intelligent than those who do not!! Patient: Doctor, I think Im losing my hearing. The doctor asks, How long have you been seeing ghosts? The parrot replies, "Do you know how hard it is to open the legs of a frozen chicken? Why did the doctor feel sick after his shift? Web1. "Your phone number?" Triple Bypass: Better than a quarterback sneak 23. Having the proper resources to conduct a successful job search can make a big difference. I overheard two EMT volunteers talking about the time they went to the aid of an elderly man. Before surgery, the nurse put the IV in my right hand, so I started texting from my left. Patient: Where exactly are you taking me, doctor?. ", 3. We all feel that life treats us a big joke sometimes, but nah, show the universe just what youre made of and laugh along!

"How come you are sweating?" Before we took the patient to the hospital, I had a question for his wife. "There was a toilet in there.". Smith, show me your teeth. He shook his head. What do you think?! 'We be-lung together!'. When I went back to the medical lab to have some blood drawn, I was greeted with a battery of questions from the technician. Do you have A weeping woman bursts into her hypnotherapists office and declares, Doctor, I have been faithful to my husband for 15 years, but yesterday I broke that trust and had an affair! 53. You just need to learn to ignore them., Two doctors are talking.

The general surgeon spots a duck flying from the marsh, aims his rifle, shoots the duck in one shot, and turns to the others and says "I just shot myself a duck." Have you got anything to keep it in?' The first Doctor says: "I love doing surgery on Artists, they are so colorful: red Hearts, pink Stomachs, green Spleens." My friend is a Botox junkieshe cant stop getting the injections. Please note: prices are correct and items are available at the time the article was published. Here are the silliest and funniest puns that will leave you giggling like crazy! My father knew President Bush. Q: Why did the patient go to the psychiatrist?

After practicing law for several months, I was talking with my brother, John, a doctor. Avoid heavy lifting. I can't seem to make out what I've written down." Because he was speeding to save a life! "All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. I dont understand what the point of acupuncture is! Mark Twain warned: "Be careful about reading health books. "The patient is a 53-year-old police officer who was found unconscious by his bicycle." 73. surrounding death, tragedy, deformity, or handicap on average have higher IQs than those who dont find them funny in some way.

How did the bread feel when it was put in the toaster? We repeat the line One liner a day, keeps a doctor away just to re-emphasize the impact of funny and concise one liners. Onions was such a good dog. I don't need to write it down." WebMedical Jokes in Adult jokes Home Medical Humour Adult jokes Jokes by Category Psychiatry Urology Cardiology Ophthalmology General surgery Dentistry General Doctor Young: "Oh no you don't, that's Gasoline!" 114. Incredibly, those who enjoy dark. Thats it! he says. Why did the doctor get a ticket?

Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. He doesnt have the brains to do it. Crocker, you are just fine, insisted the nurse. When a rich businessman began to choke on a fish bone at a restaurant, a doctor seated at a nearby table sprang up, performed the Heimlich maneuver, and saved his life. The computer sneezed because it had a virus. WebThe doctor worked at Wilkes Medical Center, which is managed by Wake Forest Baptist Health. So I listed the exercises I do every day: jump to conclusions, climb the A scientist tells a pharmacist, Give me some prepared tablets of acetylsalicylic acid. I dont think boogers are that delicious. Dr. Young: "My eyesight has become weak I can hardly see!" Doctor, Doctor! A medical student was told to remove the spleen from a cadaver. 66. 75. "He was wheeled into the operating room, and then had a change of heart. I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was just a kid. It read, Mr. "How about half of what you'd have offered when the bone was still stuck in your throat?".